Vanitas Does NOT Like Ponies
by Taliax
Summary: Annoyed at Xehanort for overworking him and sending him to a world full of ponies, Vanitas decides to take a vacation. His idea of a good vacation didn't include partying or making friends, but he'll tough it out in exchange for ice cream and an outfit change. Crackfic. Sequel to "Vanitas is NOT a Power Ranger".


**A/N: I never thought my first crossover would be Kingdom Hearts and My Little Pony. XD The plot bunny showed up as a result of the prequel to this, "Vanitas is NOT a Power Ranger". I caught Bronyism soon after I finished that 'fic, and Vanitas still wanted a new suit, and I wanted to torture him with more cute things. This is what I came up with. Also, this is my first time writing any MLP characters, so my apologies if they're pretty OOC. I know Vanitas is OOC, but part of that's on purpose, and this **_**is **_**a crackfic, so I took a few liberties. :P**

Vanitas had been having problems with light lately. First it was Aqua, then those annoying Power Ranger-cosplaying kids. But seriously, this was _way _overkill. Maybe it was Xehanort's way of punishing him for wanting a new suit. Vanitas couldn't think of any other explanation for why he'd been sent _here, _of all places. That Bambi world was one thing, but this…

He was overlooking a town full of _ponies. _Sickeningly cute, disgustingly heart-melting _ponies. _Vanitas wanted to barf. He was annoyed by the increasing frequency of this sensation.

"That's it. I'm not taking this." Vanitas sat down and swung his legs over the cliff's edge, ripping off his helmet and chucking it across the grass behind him. "Xehanort needs me for his dumb plan, but I don't need him bossing me around. He'll see how much I work my butt off when he has to spread the darkness and negativity around himself."

"_Don't say butt!" _Kaitlyn, the pink ranger-child, would've said.

_Shut up, _Vanitas told his memory. Why could he get those stupid kids out of his head?

"_Don't say shut up!"_

_Make me, _he taunted, then realized how ridiculous he sounded, even in his head. _All this light's making me crazy._

There actually wasn't an excess of light in this world, which a sign had said was Equestria, Vanitas realized. Somehow in spite of all the cuteness there was a decent, almost perfect balance of light and darkness. Maybe not everything was as perfect as it seemed.

Well, Vanitas could deal with that. He'd hang out here for most of the day, and then tell Xehanort he'd spread the Unversed even though he had no intention of doing so. Sure, the old bag could always come and check the world himself, but Vanitas doubted he would. He rarely left the Keyblade Graveyard, even sending Braig out to buy groceries now. Vanitas figured the "I'm going to rule the worlds, mwahahaha!" idea had gone to his head with how the old man treated him and Braig like minions now. Vanitas would outsmart his master and take a vacation instead of exhausting himself making even more Unversed. Surely there were plenty of worlds for Terra, Aqua, and Ventus to clear out already, anyway.

_A vacation, _Vanitas thought, grinning happily. Well, as much as a vacation as he could have in a world full of ponies, but the point was that he wasn't going to waste his energy followed Xehanort's orders.

Now the only problem was figuring out what to do on his vacation. He'd never had one before, but he knew it was supposed to be fun. Causing panic and chaos and darkness was fun, but he was too tired for that, so he settled for the next best idea: ice cream. Did anyone have ice cream on this world? There was only one way to find out.

Vanitas tuned around, ready to grab his helmet and cram it back over his messy spikes, but he froze before his fingers could touch it.

"Eep!" Fearful blue-green eyes widened, just inches from his face, as the creamish-yellow pony skittered backwards. "I-I'm so sorry for interrupting your thinking, s-sir, p-p-please don't hurt m-me…"

Vanitas stared at her while she shuddered against a large rock. Sure, he was scary and evil, but he'd never frightened anyone so easily before.

He grinned maliciously and summoned a few Unversed (only three Floods; no point pushing himself on his vacation) to keep her from fleeing. But…

He looked at her again, her tightly sealed eyes and pink mane and feeble-looking wings. It was pathetic, so pathetic he should just put her out of her misery. So why was there something gnawing at him to stop?

_It's all this stupid light! _He moaned inwardly. The world itself might be balanced, but the terrified pony was spewing it everywhere. He hated that adorable pegasus, throwing heart-rays and guilt-beams everywhere. It was his vacation; he shouldn't have to hurt on his vacation. And if the thought of killing the pegasus hurt…

_There wouldn't be any point in killing this pony, anyway. She's not worth it. I'm not letting her go because she's too cute and innocent to hurt…_

The pony hesitantly opened one eye once she realized that nothing bad was happening. Vanitas cringed at the squeal that came from her mouth barely a second later.

"Oh, they're so _cute," _she gushed, nuzzling one of the Floods. The other two crowded around her and sniffed at her tail.

"CUTE?" Vanitas exclaimed. _Why _did so many people – and now ponies – seem to think his personal minions were as cuddly as any small forest creature?

"Are these your pets?" The pegasus asked politely.

"They're not _pets," _Vanitas pouted, crossing his arms.

"I'm sorry, they must be your companions, then. What are they?" She paused in her sickening cuddle-fest with the Unversed to look up at Vanitas. "And, um, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?"

"They're…" Vanitas was going to say _creatures of negative emotions, _but he found himself unable to use those words to describe the admittedly cute Unversed frolicking around the pegasus. "Floods," he muttered.

"Oh, how wonderful." She closed her eyes and smiled, flapping her wings happily.

"I'm Vanitas. A…" Heart of pure darkness? Incarnation of evil? "Human," he felt compelled to say, though the reason was beyond him. Did these ponies possess mind-controlling abilities? Of course not, Vanitas's mind was more than strong enough to resist any tampering anyway. He just felt like telling her, that was it.

"Nice to meet you, Vanitas. What a nice name." She smiled again and tickled one of the Unversed with her tail. "My name is Fluttershy."

The name was so girly that it made Vanitas want to retch, but it was obviously fitting.

"Why do you have a tattoo on your butt?" He blurted suddenly, noticing the butterfly markings on her flank and scowling. Xehanort would never let him get a tattoo, but this pony had one? Sure, it was of some lame girl butterflies, but still.

Fluttershy tilted her head to the side curiously. "Excuse me, but what's a tattoo? Is that a human thing?"

Vanitas pointed to the butterfly marks.

"Ohhh. That's my cutie mark," she said in that soft, shy-yet-cheerful voice of hers.

Vanitas gagged visibly, but Fluttershy didn't notice. She was too busy cuddling with the Floods, who unlike the Hareraiser from the previous day, seemed to be adoring the attention and making pleased purring noises. He wanted to torture the misbehaving minions; they were _supposed _to show loyalty only to him, not go and get attached to random strangers. Especially not strangers who were girly light-filled _ponies_.

Suddenly he got an idea. "You got any ice cream around here?" My Floods need some," he lied.

"If they need ice cream, I'd be glad to help," Fluttershy replied, letting the Unversed crawl up her mane and tail onto her back. "Follow me, please."

Her politeness was sickening, but Vanitas grabbed his helmet without bothering to put it back on and walked alongside the pony down the gentle side of the cliff until they reached the bustling town of Ponyville. There were fruit stands and little shops everywhere, with unicorns and pegasi and earth ponies buying, selling, trading, or simply chatting at each one.

_I knew unicorns were real! That old bag lied to me, but I knew it! _Vanitas grinned at the fact that he was right and Xehanort was wrong.

Their progress was slow because Fluttershy kept pausing to let other ponies cross in front of them or to fuss over the Floods (who she had, upon finding that Vanitas hadn't named them, decided to call Azure, Cerulean, and Sapphire), but eventually they came to a pink-and-brown house that looked like its roof was made of chocolate. Vanitas had to duck to follow Fluttershy inside. Once he did, he was pounced on and knocked to the ground by a yelling pink blur.

_Not again, _Vanitas thought in annoyance.

The blur turned out to be a pink pony who shoved her face into his to get a better look at him.

"Who are you, huh? What did you do to Fluttershy? Why'd you barge in here being all _sneaky _and _quiet _and-"

"Um, excuse me," Fluttershy interrupted. "He didn't hurt me at all. He's nice."

Vanitas was about to object to that, but the pink pony beat him to it.

"_Nice, _huh? Hmmm…" Vanitas was more than a little freaked out when her eyeballs stretched out to scrutinize him even more. The as quickly as she tackled him, she bounced off and pranced around him in circles. "Okey-dokie-lokie! If Fluttershy likes you, I like you too!"

He groaned as Fluttershy and the Floods nudged him gently to his feet. _Some vacation this is…_

"I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name? I know _every_pony in town, and I mean _everypony, _but you're not a pony, and I don't know you! Are you new? Where did you come from? What are you? Ooh, I know! You're a-"

"If you say _Power Ranger, _I will eat you."

Pinkie laughed. "What's a Power Ranger? And why would you eat me? That's just silly, I'm not a _real _pie, but I can bake you one! What flavor do you like? Blackberry? Cherry? Ooh! Maybe black-cherr-straw-rasp-muffin-app-"

"I don't want _pie," _he growled, rubbing his head. "The name's Vanitas, I'm a human, and I want ice cream. You got any?"

"Of _course _I do! I can't throw parties without ice cream!" She dashed off somewhere and was back within one-point-four seconds with a tub of mint chocolate chip balanced on her back. She set the ice cream on a table seemingly procured from nowhere.

"Finally, _someone _who appreciates frozen dairy treats," Vanitas muttered to himself. He didn't particularly care at the moment that said "someone" was an ADHD pony.

"I'd have more, but we ate most of it at the party yesterday," Pinkie explained, then reared up on her hind legs and clapped her hooves together. "Ooh! I know!"

Before Vanitas or Fluttershy could ask what she knew, she flew out the door and left a cloud of dust behind her. Vanitas just shrugged and ripped the lid off of the ice cream, diving into it with his hands and shoving chunks of it into his mouth. He barely remembered to feed some to his Floods, who gobbled up their shares eagerly despite not having mouths, which appeased Fluttershy and stopped her from trying to politely critique his manners.

All the mint chocolate chip was gone and Vanitas had put his helmet back on by the time Pinkie Pie returned with four more ponies in tow.

"I'm telling you, Pinkie, there are no such things as humans in-" The purple unicorn gaped as she followed Pinkie inside. "-Equestria," she finished in a whisper.

Vanitas's only reply was to burp loudly. The light blue pegasus hovering above the others waved a hoof in front of her nose. "Smells like Spike's got some new competition in the belching department…"

A white unicorn with a curled purple mane stepped to the front of the group and gasped. "Oh, what _horror!"_

"This is my new friend Vanitas!" Pinkie Pie bounced around while introducing him, ignoring the unicorn, who had fainted on the floor. "Fluttershy met him today! Why don't you take off your mask so you don't look so creepy, Vani?"

"I don't want another head injury."

"Don't worry, we're not going to hurt you!" Pinkie flashed him a huge grin. "We're going to have a welcome party! You can talk to my friends while I get more ice cream!" She sped off to wherever she was going this time.

Vanitas and the ponies studied each other warily for a moment before an orange pony with a blonde mane and cowboy hat spoke up.

"I don't like the looks of this fella'," she whispered, still loudly enough for Vanitas to hear.

"Fluttershy trusts him," said the purple unicorn. "We might as well give him a chance too. We were wrong about Zecora, remember?"

Vanitas was distracted from their conversation about him by the rainbow-maned pegasus flying up to knock on his mask.

"Anyone in there? You gonna say anything?"

Vanitas tried to push her away, but she dodged behind him. "Don't mess with my mask."

"What's up with that thing, anyway? Something wrong with your face?" The pegasus was like an obnoxious fly, but Vanitas had to control his impulses to swat her. He still wanted more ice cream.

"My face is perfectly fine," he growled.

"Well, then let's see it," the orange pony said.

"Please," Fluttershy added. "You have a nice face."

Vanitas had no idea how she figured _that, _but it reminded him of Kaitlyn again. Sighing, he caved to Fluttershy's big blue-green eyes and dissolved his mask.

The white unicorn recovered from her earlier disgust and gasped again, this time in awe, as Vanitas shook out his black spikes.

"Oh, those _eyes! _They're absolutely _gorgeous!" _She gushed as Vanitas stared in disbelief. "Why, and your mane! I've never seen anything like it! I simply _must _design you an outfit that complements you better than that horrid suit!"

"Really?" Vanitas sounded as excited as if he'd heard today was the day to forge the X-blade. _Finally, I'll have something to wear that doesn't make me look like a Power Ranger! _It didn't occur to him at the moment that the clothes this girly unicorn might design could be even more embarrassing.

"Why, of course! It would be my pleasure! Just think, all the things I could come up with to match those eyes…" she trailed off, muttering happily to herself.

"Hmm…" The orange pony still eyed Vanitas doubtfully, but with a happy grin on his face, he didn't seem so bad. "Alright, I'll give this colt a chance. But where'd you come from?"

The most dreaded question among universe-travelers. He looked around frantically, trying to come up with an excuse and painfully aware that all the ponies could see the dilemma on his face. Braig was right when he teased him about being an open book without his mask.

"I came from, uh, that forest." That's right, he'd come out of a corridor fairly close to a huge forest. It looked dark and inhospitable enough for it to make sense that he would've gone unnoticed there.

The ponies' eyes widened. "The Everfree Forest?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And what are you doin' here?" The orange pony wouldn't stop with the questions, would she?

Vanitas shrugged. "I wanted some ice cream."

That sounded innocent enough, and they bought it. It was pretty much the truth, after all.

"That's enough questions for now," the purple unicorn said. "Where are our manners? We haven't even introduced ourselves. My name is Twilight Sparkle."

She held out a hoof, and Vanitas stared at it blankly.

"You're supposed to shake it," the light blue pegasus whispered loudly in his ear.

"I'll pass," he deadpanned.

"What, you afraid of gettin' your hoof dirty?" The orange pony's accent was getting on Vanitas's nerves, but what she said sounded something like a challenge, so he grabbed Twilight's hoof and flailed his arm awkwardly.

"Erm…" The white unicorn was still put off by his social awkwardness, but she covered it with a small cough and bowed politely. "I am Rarity, fashion designer extraordinaire. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"I'm the amazingly, stupendously awesome Rainbow Dash!" The light blue pegasus struck a dramatic pose in midair, but unlike in the episode of Power Rangers he'd been forced to watch(partially by small children, partially by curiosity), there was no cheesy explosion behind her. Vanitas was oddly satisfied by that fact.

"And I'm Applejack. Sorry 'bout all the questions, just gotta make sure you're trustworthy." She didn't bother with a hand/hoof-shake, but she did smile sincerely. All this kindness, along with the ponies' ridiculous names, was enough to make Vanitas sick to his stomach. He tried to push away that feeling since he doubted the ice cream he'd eaten would taste half as good on the way back up.

They were all looking at him expectantly (except Fluttershy, who seemed to be playing hide-and-seek with the Floods in the background), so he grimaced and fought his dark instincts.

"It's… nice... to meet you," he lied through his teeth. _At least I proved I don't have to act evil if I don't feel like it. I bet Ventus couldn't be evil if he tried. _The thought that he was stronger than his other half brought a grin to his face.

"He must not get out much," Applejack muttered.

Pinkie Pie came whirling in before Vanitas could retaliate, wielding a canon that shot out ribbons, confetti, and other decorations and whipping out a tablecloth with a spread of desserts on the table. He didn't have a clue how she did it, but he wasn't about to complain.

"Let's partyyy!" Pinkie cheered as a flood of ponies charged into the house.

Vanitas made choking noises, eyes widening. So may ponies in the same place, so little room to move… He tended to avoid crowds, so hadn't realized he was claustrophobic until now. Twilight noticed the expression on his face and nudged him towards a wall underneath a "Welcome to Ponyville, Vanitas!" banner.

"She did this for me, too," Twilight said sympathetically.

_I don't need any sympathy, _Vanitas thought grumpily. But it did feel kind of good that someone cared, even though he wasn't used to it. He sat down and leaned against the wall next to her.

Fluttershy came out of the crowd with the handle of an ice cream bucket in her mouth. Sapphire (the darkest blue Flood, who had a crooked antenna) scampered down off of her back and handed Vanitas a spoon.

"Not such a failure of a minion after all… Maybe I'll keep you," he muttered to Sapphire. Why was he being merciful? No, he wasn't being merciful; he just didn't want to feel the pain that resulted whenever he killed one of his fledgling emotions.

Fluttershy set down the ice cream tub and slid it forward with her nose. "Cerulean said this one's your favorite."

Vanitas took off the lid and sniffed deeply. "No way! How'd they tell you I like sea-salt?"

"Well, um, they didn't tell me with _words _exactly, but I could tell what they were trying to say," she murmured as Vanitas scarfed down the blue ice cream. He quickly got brainfreeze and had to slow down, but he still savored each bite. He'd just recently discovered the flavor while in Radiant Garden, and he couldn't get over how delicious the mix of salty and sweet was.

It was so good, Vanitas muttered a quick "Thanks" between bites, making Fluttershy smile brightly.

Pinkie Pie bounced over just as Vanitas was swallowing his last spoonful, though he still attempted to scrape the remains of the frozen treat from the sides and bottom of the tub.

"Hiya! Are you having fun?" She asked while dancing in an awkward way that looked more like a seizure, if the person having a seizure was on a sugar high and running from a giant Unversed. Vanitas growled when she almost kicked the tub out of his hands.

"I don't think he likes crowds," Twilight explained.

Pinkie gasped dramatically, her jaw hanging open. "But it's a party! It's _supposed _to be crowded, how else are you supposed to meet new friends?"

"I don't need more friends," Vanitas snapped.

"But _everypony _could use more friends! And so can everyhuman!" Pinkie protested.

Fluttershy stood between them. "Pinkie, um, can we take him outside? He's probably just nervous around so many new ponies."

"I'm _not _nervous!" Vanitas objected, trying to retain some of his dignity even though he really didn't want to stay in Pinkie's house now that he was out of ice cream. "But I need to see Rarity about my new outfit."

"It's okay to be nervous," Twilight whispered to him.

"I'm _not nervous!" _Vanitas yelled just as Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash walked over.

"Yup, he don't get out much," AJ confirmed to herself.

"Rarity, Vanitas is ready for you to outfit him," Twilight said, standing up.

"But the party!" Pinkie protested with a kicked-puppy expression.

_Why is everyone trying to kill me with cuteness? _Vanitas wondered to himself in annoyance.

"As much as I would love to get to work right away, Pinkie is right," Rarity said. "It would be beyond rude to leave in the middle of the occasion."

Vanitas growled angrily, but he quickly cut himself off. He needed these ponies to like him if he wanted something to replace his suit. Acting likable wasn't one of the easiest things for him, but surely he was smart enough to pull it off.

"Fine," he muttered as Twilight sat next to him again. Fluttershy settled down on his other side, still cuddling with the Floods. Her gentleness must've rubbed off on them; they no longer scratched or lunged at anyone. Vanitas was surprised that that didn't disappoint him all that much.

"Yay!" Pinkie stomped her hooves happily. "C'mon, let's go dance!"

"_Whaaaat?" _Vanitas had done a lot of things today that he'd never comprehended doing before, but _dancing? _"I do NOT dance."

"Do you not know how?" Pinkie asked innocently. "I'm a great dancer! I'll show you!"

Despite all the objections and threats Vanitas made, the hyperactive pony dragged him away, literally kicking and screaming, from the wallflower group.

"I hope Pinkie doesn't make him party too hard," Twilight said with a sigh.

Applejack grinned. "Maybe it'll make 'im lighten up a bit."

Meanwhile, Pinkie spun Vanitas through the crowd of ponies, accidentally injuring anyone who got too close.

"Stop _touching_ me!" Vanitas snarled as he stumbled clumsily around, Pinkie swinging his hands. "I _swear, _I will rip your stupid tail out and-"

"WHEEEE!" Pinkie Pie squealed, completely oblivious to the threats Vanitas was spitting as she danced about. "You're good at this!"

_Why _did the ponies keep complimenting him on stuff he didn't want to be good at? He wasn't even dancing; he was just dodging between the flailing manes, hooves, and tails while Pinkie paraded him around.

Vanitas hissed and finally managed to slip away, diving under the floor into a pool of darkness. Shouldn't have done that, it was disorienting and now he was even dizzier. It never bothered him in the heat of battle, but for some reason, maybe because of how crowded it was, he now felt nauseated.

Twilight and Fluttershy jumped back as he resurfaced between them.

"Urgh…" He rumpled against the wall, clutching his head.

"You okay there, sugar cube?" Applejack asked.

"I haven't read much about humans, but from what I have read, they can't use magic." Twilight frowned thoughtfully. "I'll have to study the subject in more detail…"

"Is that all the spinning you can take?" Dash's question sounded like a challenge, and Vanitas never could back down from a challenge. Steeling his gaze, Vanitas stood and marched back into the crowd of ponies while Rainbow Dash bragged about how many barrel rolls she could do without getting dizzy.

"Oh! There you are!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "I was starting to think you ran away! Ready for more dancing?"

Muttering a few choice threats under his breath, Vanitas grabbed her hooves and pranced around even more stupidly, though somehow more gracefully, than before. The other ponies backed away and formed a circle to give them more room as they twirled around together. Soon Vanitas let her hooves go and she danced on four legs while he came up with some new moves of his own. It wasn't enjoyable to him in the slightest, but the sound of cheering brought a smug grin to his face. He finished off with some breakdancing and then dived into the floor again.

_I'd like to see Ventus try something like that, _he thought proudly.

The ponies by the wall were just as startled by his reappearance as they were the first time.

"Could you give us a warning for once?" Twilight muttered.

"Whoa, that was awesome!" Rainbow Dash hovered in midair, holding up a hoof for a high-five, which Vanitas now knew to hit. He found it interesting that slapping hands was considered a friendly gesture and not a violent one, but it still felt good to hit something.

"I know," Vanitas replied arrogantly, earning an eyeroll from Applejack.

"Of course, I'm the best at those kinds of acrobatics-"

"No way," Vanitas interrupted Dash.

"Yes way! I won the best young flier competition," she bragged, crossing her front legs. "Princess Celestia even called me the best flier in all of Equestria. Top _that._"

"Well, I'm going to forge the X-blade, open a door to all worlds, and start a new Keyblade War!" Vanitas said, causing the ponies to look at him oddly. _Right. They don't know what I'm talking about. _It was probably better that way.

"Please don't argue," Fluttershy said now that they were both quiet.

Vanitas and Rainbow Dash continued to glare at each other.

"Now, now, there's no need for that," Applejack cautioned.

"Come on, let's enjoy the party!" Twilight said with forced enthusiasm as she stepped in the middle of their glare-off.

"Fine, whatever." Dash rolled her eyes. When the other ponies walked off to join in some party games, she hovered up to Vanitas. "Sunset, the edge of the Everfree Forest. We'll settle this."

"Bring it," he replied with a smirk. She smirked back.

"I haven't had a good challenge in a while. Who knows, maybe you'll be the first to _almost _beat me." She followed the others off to bob for apples, leaving Vanitas without any idea of what to do. Shrugging, he decided to make his way back to the dessert table. Not only was it frustrating to shove his way through the mob, but all the ice cream was gone, which plunged him into a dark mood again.

"Hiya, Vani!" Pinkie Pie bounced up to him.

"Don't call me that," he grumbled, remembering the kids from yesterday again, but she didn't seem to hear.

"I'm so glad I found you again! That thing where you went underground was so cool, you're like a ninja! Is that why you have that costume?" She continued to chatter as she loaded up a plate of cakes, pies, and other desserts. Eventually she ended with, "Are you enjoying to party?"

"No."

Pinkie's gasp was so long and loud that Vanitas and the nearby ponies grated their teeth.

"You're – you're not having fun?" Tears sprung to her eyes, which seemed to grow to twice their already-large size, and her mane and tail fell limp. Forget Fluttershy earlier, _this _was the most pathetic thing Vanitas had ever seen. He wasn't even getting any pleasure from making her cry.

_What's _wrong _with me? How are they getting to me like this? _He wished he could blame the light, but he was still picking up a balanced aura. The darkness seemed to have no visible effect on Equestria even though he could sense its presence. He was forced to admit to himself that he seemed to have developed a weakness for cute things, appalling as the thought was.

"How could you not have fun at my party? Did I – did I do something wrong?" Pinkie sat on the ground, staring up at him pleadingly. The other five ponies whose names he knew had pushed their way to the front of the circle of ponies that were staring at him. He wanted to slash at them with his keyblade, make them _go away _and stop _staring like that _and making him feel awful…

"No." Vanitas forced a (probably wicked-looking) smile, hesitantly patting Pinkie Pie's head. "It's… not your fault. I don't know how to have fun," he choked out, instincts screaming at him, but he was a bit proud that he was strong enough to deny those instincts.

"Then we'll teach you! Right, Twilight?" Pinkie said enthusiastically, hair popping back into its mess of curls.

Twilight smiled kindly. "Sure! I taught Princess Luna how to have fun. I can teach you, too."

"Er… Okay." He _was _curious about what these ponies would consider fun, after all.

"Great!" Pinkie grabbed the edge of his skirt (he would've come up with a manlier name with it, but he couldn't think of one – just one more reason for him to get a new suit) in her teeth and dragged him in front of a huge bucket of water.

"Have you ever bobbed for apples, Vanitas?" Twilight asked.

He answered by staring at her in a way that clearly said "you're decreasing my motivation to let you live."

"O–kay, then…" The purple unicorn took a step back. "Pinkie, why don't you show him?"

"Of course!" She giggled giddily, plunging her head into the bucket with a splash. Vanitas hoped she might be trying to drown herself, but unfortunately she came out completely unharmed, a bright red apple in her mouth. Tossing it into the air, she caught, crunched, and swallowed it. "Juicy!"

"'Course, ya don't have to be so fancy 'bout it," Applejack said, "the point is, you stick your head in that there bucket and sink your teeth into one of my farm-fresh apples."

"And that's supposed to be fun," he deadpanned in disbelief.

"You betcha!" Applejack confirmed with a smile.

"Despite its uncouth appearance, it can be quite enjoyable," Rarity added. "Be careful not to get your mane wet, though, dear."

Seeing his lingering reluctance, Rainbow Dash gave him a friendly shove on the shoulder. "Just try it!"

"Whatever," Vanitas grumbled, shooting her a glare. He couldn't see any point to it whatsoever, but he stepped forward and sized up the apples in the bucket for a second before dunking his head in and digging his teeth into one. He flung water droplets on Rarity when he took his head back out, and hearing her mortified screech at getting wet, he shook the remaining water from his hair out on all of them. He might not be able to kill or injure them, but he could still have a little fun.

Vanitas spat the apple out, and it rolled across the floor and came to a stop at Applejack's hooves.

"Not feelin' it?" She asked with a frown.

"That was stupid," Vanitas commented with vague annoyance towards his still-wet hair. The only "fun" thing about it was making Rarity mad, and he still had to be somewhat nice to her so she'd make him a new outfit.

"Don't give up yet!" Pinkie Pie pleaded. "There are plenty of other party games!" She pointed to a group of ponies trying to pin a tail on a drawing of a pony on the wall. "Or we could dance more!" Now pointing to a line of ponies that appeared to be dong the conga, she grinned.

"I don't think he wants to, Pinkie." Fluttershy held up Sapphire in her mouth by its antennae, and it squirmed helplessly. "His Floods are getting agitated."

The other ponies stared at her strangely.

"They act like how he feels," she explained. Vanitas was surprised that she had figured that out, but it did make things easier for him. He sent out a mental command for the Floods to head for the door.

"Wait!" Fluttershy cried. To Vanitas's annoyance, they actually listened for a moment before he prodded them again. "No! Don't go!"

"I'm out of here," Vanitas announced.

"But the party!" Pinkie protested. Vanitas kept walking away until she threw herself at his feet. "Please please _please _with a cupcake on top don't go!"

Vanitas cursed mentally. They had to go through this _again?_

Twilight placed a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder as Vanitas tried to shake her off of his leg. "It's getting late, Pinkie. They need to head over to Rarity's house soon."

"But…" Pinkie paused thoughtfully before springing off of Vanitas and turning to the crowd of ponies.

"Okay, everypony! Thank you all for coming! This party was officially-"

"Pause for dramatic effect," Rainbow Dash whispered.

"Okey-dokie-lokie." Pinkie was silent for a whole five seconds, breaking record books.

"Not that long!"

"Oopsy." Pinkie laughed before saying more loudly, "-the best welcome party ever!"

"Well, I don't know about _that,_" Applejack muttered as the other ponies cheered, saying goodbye to Vanitas as they trickled out of the house. One pegasus with that appeared to be cross-eyed bumped her head on the top of the doorway on her way out.

"Goodbye!" Pinkie called behind them, waving.

"We must be off as well," Rarity said. "I simply _must_ correct this fashion disaster." She gestured to Vanitas, who would've been offended if it wasn't for the fact that he agreed. _Finally, _it was time for him to get his new outfit.

"Oh, I guess you need Sapphire, Azure, and Cerulean back, then…" The Floods had somehow found their way back to Fluttershy, who was practically radiating pathetic, disgusting sadness at him. He made the mistake of looking into her eyes. Those stupid _eyes! _It was like being shot with a rainbow-sparkle-magic-glitter-fairy-_light _cannon, and just as painful as getting hit by Aqua's Spellweaver finish.

"You can…" _Go gorge your eyes out, _he wanted to say. "…Keep them."

And the pain stopped. Just like that.

"Really!" Fluttershy exclaimed, sounded as excited as Pinkie Pie was on a regular basis.

"Yeah, whatever. I can make – I've got more," Vanitas caught himself.

Fluttershy squealed happily, launching herself at him and – no, not knocking him over, for once – giving him a tight hug while standing on two legs. The Floods even copied her.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you! I'll love them, and they'll love me, and I'll feed them ice cream every day, and we'll be best friends forever!" Her voice rose in loudness and decibel level as she kept squeezing him. Vanitas wanted to hurl, but something about it felt… good? People with hearts of complete darkness didn't get hugs. Weren't supposed to be hugged. Didn't _need _to be hugged.

But he waited a few seconds before pushing her away, with a tiny bit more gentleness than he'd ever used before (which still wasn't saying much). Rarity, AJ, and Twilight were smiling, Rainbow and Pinkie barely restraining laughter.

Vanitas wished desperately that he had his visor on to hide the fire in his cheeks. But the embarrassment didn't end there – he was hugged by Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash (who thwacked him upside the head with her wing while laughing afterwards), and Twilight Sparkle one after the other. He didn't move at all while they did so, just let his face heat up more and more.

The purple unicorn smiled at him afterwards.

"It was nice making friends with you, Vanitas," she said warmly.

_Friends. _That puny Ventus had friends. _I'm better than him. I don't need friends, _Vanitas thought rebelliously. But with all those bright eyes staring back at him, he couldn't think of anything wrong with it.

He almost smiled. Almost.

"Yeah," he managed to cough out with what he hoped was a nonchalant nod.

"Ready to go, dear?" Rarity asked, and he nodded again.

"Don't forget our deal!" Rainbow Dash called as they walked out the door. "I'm still ready to kick your human tail all the way to Cloudsdale!"

"Humans don't have tails," Vanitas said in a _"duh" _voice, rolling his eyes and wondering what a Cloudsdale was. "And I'll be the one kicking tail!" _Or slicing tail. Or shredding tail. Or pulverizing tail. Whatever works._

Rainbow was about to argue back, but Applejack covered her mouth.

"See ya 'round, Vanitas," she said.

"…Sure," he replied. Why had he said that? _I never want to come back here. I'm just here for some new clothes, _he told himself.

They said their (temporary?) goodbyes, and Vanitas followed Rarity to her fancy house, where she immediately began taking measurements and sorting through colors of fabric.

"No, not celadon or viridian… chartreuse is _definitely _out… hmm, perhaps a violet?"

"This is taking _forever," _Vanitas complained while Rarity held up fabric swatches for him to see.

"Patience, dear. Your new ensemble must be _perfect."_

After about two hours and fifty vetoed ideas, Rarity came up with a draft of a tight-fitting (but not nearly as tight as his suit), ruby-colored shirt with jagged short sleeves tipped with gold.

"That's not too bad," Vanitas relented. At least it was less frilly than everything else she'd suggested. Besides, he needed to hurry if he was going to make it to his showdown with Rainbow Dash.

Pleased by his approval, Rarity sketched a pair of black hakama to go with them, which instantly had Vanitas spitting objections.

"NO! NOT TERRA PANTS!" Where had she even come _up _with that idea?

"Fine, settle down, no need to yell." Rarity erased the pants even though she had no clue what he was talking about, replacing them with a pair of crisp ebony slacks.

Vanitas scowled as he wondered something. "Will I be able to fight in that?"

"Fight? You _did _seem the warrior type…" With a look of concentration, she cleared the pants from the sketch again, this time replacing them with a sturdy-looking pair of black jeans and adding durable boots that covered them up to the knees. "This will have to do. It's a shame, you would look lovely in dress pants, but I suppose they'd be difficult to keep clean while tromping around the Everfree Forest."

A few more design changes – she added a blooming heart design in gold on the shirt, which she insisted on despite Vanitas's objections that it looked girly, as well gold zippers that closed extra pockets in the pants.

Vanitas fidgeted while she cut shapes from her huge rolls of fabrics, using magic to wrap them around him and make them sew themselves together. It was all a rather efficient process until Rarity came to the boots, but recycling materials from a few of her older pairs yielded enough of the necessary materials.

Soon Vanitas was left staring at Rarity's handiwork in something quite similar to awe. Even the swirling heart designs didn't look quite as girly anymore.

"Why don't you go change out of that horrid suit?" She gestured with her head towards a partition meant to try on clothes behind. Vanitas nodded and did as she asked, stripping off the clothes he had made before he could remove his suit, then dressing himself again.

Rarity beamed when he walked out.

"My goodness, you look _stunning!" _She viewed him from all angles to make sure it was perfect. "The crimson compliments your eyes marvelously, and the gold designs were a fabulous idea. Elegant, yet not too flashy. It's perfect for you."

It would take some getting used to, particularly the short sleeves and breathing room, but Vanitas was pleased with the new outfit. It fit remarkably well for being Rarity's first human design, and the colors were dark enough to match his style. He didn't know what to say – he wasn't used to thanking anyone, but he was honestly happy.

_No more looking like a Power Ranger!_

"Er, it's great, Rarity," he said awkwardly. "Thanks."

"You're most welcome," the unicorn replied. It was worth the politeness to receive a hug from her.

Afterwards, they headed for the edge of the Everfree Forest together (Rarity wanted to make sure his new clothes were durable enough for the roughhousing that would certainly occur).

"Be careful," she cautioned when the Forest came into view. Vanitas snorted.

"I don't have to be careful. Nobody can beat me at anything," he said arrogantly. _Except Aqua… _But the unicorn didn't need to know that.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Males and their superiority complexes…"

Rainbow Dash was already waiting, pacing impatiently with a look of proud determination on her face. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Twilight were lounging around and chatting, having apparently decided to watch the competition as well.

"Yay! The show's about to start!" Pinkie said in excitement, stuffing some popcorn in her mouth. "I _love _shows! Especially comedies! Is this a comedy? Are Vani and Rainbow going to tell jokes? Or throw pies at each other? I _love _pie! I even have pie in my name! But I bet I don't taste as good as real pies…" She continued to ramble to herself.

"You ready to race, Vanitas?" Rainbow hoofed at the ground.

"Who said anything about racing?" Vanitas asked. What happened to a good old-fashioned fight to the death?

"What did you think we were going to do to see who's better, have a staring contest?" Rainbow spat, flapping her wings.

"Ooh! I'm good at staring contests!" Pinkie wiggled her tail happily.

"I still don't understand why one of you has to be better than the other," Twilight said. "You can both be talented. Don't you remember what happened when you raced Applejack?"

"She's got a point, Rainbow," AJ agreed. "You don't gotta prove nothin' to nopony."

"I know I don't have to prove anything," said Rainbow, "I just want to see the look on his face when _I _win the race."

"Speed's not the same as talent." Vanitas sneered. "If you're really so awesome, let's have a test of skill. _If _you're up to it."

"Of course I am! I have _way _more skill in the air than anyone could have stuck on the ground."

Vanitas smirked, chilling the ponies' blood. "Who said I'm stuck to the ground?"

Summoning his keyblade, he threw it like a boomerang through the air and jumped on it skateboard-style when it flew back to him in glider form.

Applejack whistled in amazement.

"I have _got _to study the magic behind that," Twilight said.

"Psh, big deal," Rainbow scoffed to hide her nervousness. "There's no way you can out-fly _real _wings."

"We'll see about that."

With AJ and Twilight's help, they settled on a rack with a few obstacles, to test both speed and skill, to be set up at Sweet Apple Acres.

The ponies and Vanitas all walked/flew there, and he, Fluttershy, and Rarity had a surprisingly civil conversation about his new outfit while Applejack and Pinkie marked the course. Twilight spent her time making sure Rainbow remembered to –

"Have fun and be a good sport," Rainbow mimicked. "I know, I _know, _alright?"

Twilight sighed. "I'm just not sure this is the best way to make Vanitas feel welcome. He seemed so on edge earlier…"

At the moment, Vanitas was relaxed and listening to Fluttershy admire his clothes.

"Yeah, _that's _edgy." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You're too worried about offending anypony, or any_human, _Twilight. A good competition never hurt anyone."

"Maybe you're right…"

Applejack got Fluttershy to shape some clouds into hoops for Vanitas and Rainbow to fly through while she and Pinkie marked the trees that they were to blow or knock apples off of. When they were finished, Pinkie claimed the job of announcer and flew overhead in the hot air balloon, and Rarity joined her for the view.

"Ready to eat my dust?" Vanitas smirked, hovering on his red-and-black glider.

"Nah, but tell me if my dust tastes good. I've always wondered about that." Rainbow grinned.

"I bet it tastes like sugar and sparkly happiness," he said with disgust, even though sugary foods actually tasted pretty good. "But luckily I won't have to find out."

Vanitas just managed to get in his last words and engage his mask before Applejack counted down to begin the race.

"Three… two… one…"

Rainbow and Vanitas blew past, knocking AJ's hat off.

"Hold your horses, I didn't say go!"

"Too late now…" Twilight sighed.

Vanitas bent his knees, squatting close to his glider to fit through the cloud-rings Fluttershy had constructed. The top of his helmet still brushed the tops of the hoops, streaking a bit of cloud across the sky every time he flew through one. He spun and zigzagged to follow the trail of rings, but Rainbow Dash's agility kept her close to his metaphorical tail.

"Ooh, they're fast!" Pinkie announced from the balloon. "But it looks like Vani's faster! He's leading by fifty-seven noses!"

"Pinkie, I believe there are more efficient forms of measurement than noses…" Rarity said.

"Like what? Feet? That would be silly! Who measures in feet?" Pinkie laughed. "Ooh, look at them now! Rainbow's only twenty-four and two-thirds noses behind!"

Rainbow had put on an extra burst of speed – she hadn't expected Vanitas's glider to be _that _fast. Still confident that he would stay in the lead, Vanitas looped over the top of a ring and flew through it again, smirking at Rainbow while he was upside-down. Of course, she couldn't see it because of him mask, so it was a little less satisfying.

"Loop-de-Hoop!" Pinkie laughed hysterically. Rarity rolled her eyes.

Growling, Rainbow threaded through the cloud-rings, leaving a trail of her namesake behind her.

"Van, behind you!" Rarity called. "Oh, she better not mess up his outfit…"

Rainbow dashed past, knocking Vanitas off his glider from the shockwave, and he fell through the clouds, through the empty air, too close to the ground…

Pinkie Pie gasped fearfully. "Humans don't have wings!" She yelled at Rarity, then to Vanitas, "Quick! Grow some wings!"

_If that was possible, I wouldn't by _falling_! _Growling, Vanitas flipped himself upright, managing to guide his glider underneath him and land on his feet with less than a second to spare.

"Bravo!" Rarity applauded. "Bravo, dear!"

"That was cooler than… than… a cupcake with rainbow-chocolate-cherry sprinkles! With popcorn on top!"

But now Rainbow Dash was in the lead; she'd almost reached the apple orchard. Vanitas flew through the cloud-rings so fast that they dissipated behind him, gaining on his opponent, but she bolted even farther ahead. Her multicolored trail blocked Vanitas's vision, blinding him and nearly knocking him off balance again.

"Goodness, they're really getting into this competition," Rarity commented.

"Duh, they've _been _in the competition, silly. Dashy's gonna be out of the competition and past the finish-start line soon, though, she's even faster than Vani! Wow! Guess I should've seen that coming, since she _is _the best flier in all Equestria…"

Vanitas would _not _lose to that pegasus and be humiliated in front of everyone. Holding an arm out in front of him, he opened a dark corridor, cutting out the distance between him and the orchard.

"How did he do that? I've never seen teleportation magic like that before." Twilight frowned thoughtfully from where she watched on the ground. "And from a human, too…"

"Hmm, sure is mighty strange." Applejack still had a feeling something was off about him, regardless of what the others thought.

"Too slow," Vanitas called behind him as he flew out yards ahead of Rainbow Dash, who nearly forgot to flap in shock.

"_Too slow!" _She flew so fast her eyes watered, turning into a colorful streak that blew the apples right off the trees. _"Nobody _calls the Super-Awesome Rainbow Dash too _slow!"_

She accelerated lightning-fast, holding both forelegs out straight in front of her. A thundering blast shook the ground and air-tossed Vanitas's glider as she exploded into a full-blown Sonic Rainboom. Vanitas was breathless – he clung to his glider with both hands, trying to pull himself back into a standing position. His jaw dropped as he watched her clean the trees of apples, and even more impressively, cause a giant colorful mushroom cloud to erupt behind her and explode into the _biggest freaking rainbow _Vanitas had ever seen.

And he'd thought rainbows weren't cool.

"A Sonic Rainboom!" Pinkie smiled just as brightly as she did the other three times she'd seen one. "It's so pretty! And now Dashy's winning by over a _thousand_ noses!"

"Yes, but poor Van…" Rarity couldn't help murmuring.

Shaking his head, Vanitas made an attempt to blow the apples off of his designated trees by spiraling around each one, but it wasn't nearly as effective as Rainbow's method.

It was over. He'd lost.

Rainbow Dash looped back around to cross the finish/start line, bowing smugly as the other ponies stomped their feet in the pony form of applause. Rarity and Pinkie Pie landed the balloon.

"That was spectac-amaze-erful!" Pinkie bounced. "I needed a word even _more _amazing than amazing, so I made one up!"

"Thank you, thank you," Rainbow said, grinning and bowing more.

"Where's Vanitas?" Fluttershy asked, noticing that her Floods seemed to be sulking.

"Yeah, I need to gloat at him."

Applejack frowned. "That ain't right, Rainbow." She might not particularly like the human, but there was no need to be rude.

"I can't hear his glider," Twilight said, pacing.

"Oh, dear, I hope he's alright…" Rarity fretted. "Could the Sonic Rainbow have injured him?"

Now Rainbow Dash looked a little guilty. "I've never hurt anypony with it before."

Fluttershy studied the Floods closely, whispering in their antennae.

"He's not hurt," she said afterwards.

"Thank goodness," said Rarity.

Fluttershy frowned. "But something's still wrong…"

"Well, let's go find him and figure out what it is," AJ said decisively.

"Yay! Vani-hunting!" Pinkie cheered. "Whatever's wrong, we can fix it! We're his friends!"

Meanwhile, Vanitas landed his glider atop the same cliff he'd met Fluttershy on.

"I _lost! _I can't believe I lost to a freaking _pony!" _He yelled, kicking a rock off of the cliff. He'd never be able to show his face in Equestria again. "Why do I care, anyway? It's not like I _want _to see them again."

He sat down, throwing off his mask. It was humiliating. Even worse than losing to Aqua. At least Aqua was a trained Keyblade Master, and there hadn't been an audience to see his embarrassing defeat.

"I should just get out of this stupid place. I got my ice cream, I got my clothes. There's nothing else here for me."

"Hey, who're ya callin' "nothin' else"?"

Vanitas whipped around to see the six ponies staring at him. He stared back. Clearly he was losing it; letting them sneak up on him. How did they find him, anyway?

"That's not what I meant," he blurted inexplicably. What was he saying? He didn't really want to see them, did he?

So what if he did?

"'Course you didn't." Applejack grinned.

"Are you leaving already?" Fluttershy asked, eyes wide.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"You just flew off!"

"We were worried!"

"What about your goodbye party?"

All of the ponies' faces, even Rainbow Dash's, were filled with caring and worry. Somehow, his hard, cold, dark heart was touched. And it didn't feel so bad.

"You… don't think I'm a loser?" He asked in confusion.

AJ walked up to him. "Now why the hay would we think that?"

"I lost," he deadpanned.

Rarity smiled warmly. "That doesn't make you a loser, dear."

"You were the toughest opponent I've ever raced," Rainbow said. "And you don't even have wings!"

Vanitas was still a little sulky, but not quite as much as before.

"I have so much to report to Princess Celestia," Twilight said happily. "Thank you, Vanitas."

"And thank you for Azure, Sapphire, and Cerulean," Fluttershy repeated. The three Floods looked much happier now that they were in the presence of their former master, though they still stayed close to Fluttershy.

Vanitas nodded at them in reply. "I'm leaving now."

"Now?"

"Already?"

"But your goodbye party!"

"Don't get your tails in a knot; I'll be back," Vanitas found himself saying. "You better have some ice cream for me."

The other ponies laughed and crowded around him in a group hug that was surprisingly enjoyable. But Vanitas still had to leave. Xehanort would chew him out if he stayed much later.

"Be safe, Van," Rarity said. "And take care of your new outfit!"

Vanitas magically reclothed himself in his old suit so Rarity's gift wouldn't be confiscated, leaving the new clothes somewhere in hammerspace.

"Taken care of," he replied, putting his helmet back on.

The ponies said their last goodbyes as Vanitas walked through a dark corridor.

XXX

"You look happy," Xehanort said curiously when Vanitas returned to the Keyblade Graveyard.

"Enjoy terrorizing some helpless natives, did ya?" Braig asked, adjusting his eyepatch.

"Easy. I've never seen such stupid weaklings," Vanitas lied easily, but he couldn't help frowning under his mask. They really weren't so stupid. They were… decent company. Compared to Xehanort and Braig at least.

Vanitas was already planning his next vacation.

**A/N: Longest one-shot I've ever written. XD**

**About that bit where Vanitas breakdanced – that's not as much crack as you might expect, if you use the "Break Time" command while playing as Ventus in BbS, you can make him breakdance. XD XD XD Unfortunately it's hard to use and completely useless in battle, but it's fun anyway.**

**Heh, I got pretty attached to the Floods in this like I did with the Hareraiser in the Van/Power Rangers 'fic. :P**

**For some reason Rarity was one of my favorites in this 'fic, and I didn't like writing for Rainbow Dash that much, even though Rainbow's one of my favorites in the show and I don't normally like Rarity that much. ^^;**

**I'm going to draw Vanitas's new outfit sometime; I'll either use it for the cover picture or put it up on my art page (link is on my profile). I also want to draw Fluttershy with the Floods, the mental image of that is just too cute. ^^ Pinkie and Vani dancing would also be hilarious. I have way too many fanart ideas from this 'fic. **

**Vanitas set me up for a sequel. XD I have some plunnies for it, but it'll be a while and probably involve the Cutie Mark Crusaders.**


End file.
